Coming Soon?

I'm starting on a new adventure, a writing adventure. None of it is "set in granite" yet. I already write, but so far I have been focusing exclusively on material having to do with Christian topics or advocacy. These materials will be different. A website is planned but is not up yet. But I have a new Facebook page up already, and some of you may have "liked" it already. I have been offered an opportunity to write via self-publishing at Create-a-Space at Amazon Publishing. I have already drafted over 20 posts. My material will be more personal in nature than what I have normally been doing online. Topics will focus on family, God, relationships, disability awareness, autism, and education. But as a Christian, while I will be writing to a general readership, I make no secret of my faith and how it has ended up becoming central to my life. My writings will include how I came to my current understanding of God as He reveals Himself in His Word and in Christ. I plan to use my writings as a means to share my faith. But I hope that I can earn an income from these future writings, God willing. While there is no active website, I have a new Facebook page, which some of you may have visited and "liked" already. Please visit that page, hit "like" there, and share the page so I will keep finding more connection from people. Thank you, in advance, for your support!

Sincerely,

Lisa DeSherlia

Please "Like" & Share My Newest Facebook Page.

The Ugly Reality of Abuse & Why

This is not a fun topic to write about and it is not fun reading. It is true and it is going on right now. So many of us, in and out of the Christian community, feel the need to close our eyes to the ugly things that we know are going on around us. Maybe we thing that by ignoring these things will go away? Or have we found a kind of peace in not knowing? Maybe we know all too well, by experience, what is going on, and don't want to talk about it? After all, these things "don't happen" in "good Christian homes, right?

Brothers and sisters in Christ, I'm talking about domestic violence and abuse, whether it is directed at the women, men, or children.

The Problem

Yes, abuse is a 24/7 reality in countless homes. And make no mistake, I'm sure it also goes on in Christian homes. I'm sure of this because we Christians also retain our sinful natures and though we have access to God's power, far too often yield to temptation. First, abuse is not just the PHYSICAL ABUSE which goes on in far too many non-Christian and Christian homes and goes undisclosed. PHYSICAL ABUSE, obviously abuse, involves hitting, beating, punching, and any kind of physical assault. Men, as well as women, are also victims of this form of abuse if less often than women. EMOTIONAL ABUSE is much more subtle than other forms of abuse but far more damaging, especially long-term. It involves intimidation, playing with the victim's emotions and use of control to keep victims in line and doing the will of the abuser (for example, bullying a family member from coming forward about family criminal activity). VERBAL ABUSE also is very damaging and has long-term effects on the victim. It includes threats, lying to and/or about the victim, insults, mud-slinging, cursing and name-calling. SEXUAL ABUSE also is very damaging and has long-term effects on its victims. It involves using ANY position of power (parent, stepparent, teacher, pastor, priest, or simply adult) to gratify one's sex drive on victims whom the person has authority over. SEXUAL ABUSE includes making ANY UNWANTED sexual advances toward anyone, and it involves not just violent rape, but also involves ANY unwanted touches of a sexual nature, toward a victim, or asking for UNWANTED sexual favors. FINANCIAL ABUSE is probably the most subtle abuse of all, but its impact can be very damaging and long-term. It involves forbidding a partner access to his or her finances or those of her offspring's, identity theft (which goes on in families!) and using a victim's account to for one's ends. SPIRITUAL ABUSE involves invoking the Name of God or use of His Word as a means of controlling a victim, as in men asserting their authority over their wives force submission, for example. Since abuse encompasses such a wide range of behaviors, we only lie to ourselves if we tell ourselves that these things do not go on in the homes of our friends, in the homes of the people we attend worship with, or even in the homes of relatives. Perhaps some of these things are going on in your own home?

Why Does the Violence Continue?

I have not even spoken to the kind of violence that takes place in larger society. I mean the school shootings, the workplace shootings, and other shootings and murders we hear about in the news daily. These are only the cases we hear about! I'm not speaking to this kind of violence because we know that preventing violence starts in our homes. It starts with, first of all, loving each other as parents and children and as wives and husbands. It comes with preventing abuse in our homes. It comes with teaching and modeling empathy and compassion. Since these things so often do not happen, people who often come from loveless homes of possible domestic violence, vent their unhealed hurts by committing violent crimes against us. We reap the rewards of loveless, abusive homes by seeing violent crimes being perpetrated against innocent people. Research says that now, four children dies daily from child abuse. I see countless cases daily, and hear about cases almost daily. Many of you, maybe most, will wonder or say, Why do victims stay in abusive homes? Why don't they just leave? Why don't they just call the police or contact their pastor or therapist? I'll tell you why. Control is at the heart of all abuse. Victims are often so beaten down by their abusers that they have entered a state called "learned helplessness" and see no options for leaving or for getting help. They have been made to feel shame, worthlessness, fear, and often hopelessness. Call the police? Many times, victims have found that Law Enforcement (LE) have not been helpful. Victims are often intimidated from coming forward about crime or abuse, which is what abuse is all about! Contact a therapist or pastor or brother or sister in Christ? They often fear that they will not be believed, or may hear unhelpful platitudes like, "Just have faith," "Let Jesus be your Spouse," "Keep praying; God will change your situation," or "You will get a greater heavenly reward if you persevere." These keep abuse going.

Abuse, Do we need to Look in the Mirror?

Abusers always have good qualities. They are so often upstanding community members, hold jobs and are taxpayers, are frequently clean-cut, may do a lot of good deeds, and may be very charming, even magnetic. Abuse is an "equal opportunity destroyer" and it transcends all social classes, financial brackets, races, nationalities, and walks of life. Being an abuser does not mean the abuser is all evil, just as being a victim does not mean a person is all good. This is one HUGE reason so many victims will not turn in family members for crime or abuse. A second huge reason for this phenomenon is that so many victims are economically dependent on their abusers. Because abusers are people with much good in them, we all need to know that if given the "right circumstances" or temptations, we too can cross the line into abusive behavior of any kind. Sadly, pastors, priests, and Christian leaders have been exposed as guilty of sexual abuse of children. I know all them are, otherwise, people with many good qualities who have served God and furthered God's Kingdom in this world. But they have allowed themselves to let their weaknesses overcome them. Or, maybe they have not received the care, support, and accountability they needed to avoid their tragic downfalls.

How We Can Help Change This

Educate yourself about abuse. Do a general Internet search of "abuse" and you will get many results. Avoid abuse in your home and if it exists, hard as it may be, try to get help. If you witness abuse or suspect it, involve LE. Pastors who educate themselves about this topic can preach about it from the pulpit. If you have survived past abuse or domestic violence, consider sharing your story to help others. If an abuse victim or survivor shares their story with you, please believe them and listen. We parents must teach and model empathy and compassion, the opposite of abuse and control. If you have financial means, consider supporting worthy domestic violence or child abuse causes. If you have used cell phones, donate them to a local abused victims' shelter. If you can, volunteer at an abuse shelter. Consider finding, taking part in, or starting a group geared to providing confidential support and accountability to people in abusive situations. There are many things we can do. Doing our part to prevent and end abuse should be a part of following Jesus.

Christianity: One of Many Religions or Unique?

Which religion's God has revealed Himself in a Book that has endured for centuries?

Which religion's God has armed Himself, not with worldly power, but with love, kindness, grace, and forgiveness, in response to great evil?

Which religion's God has revealed Himself in three Persons who are unified as One?

Which religion's God has responded to our yearning for a "God with skin on" by becoming one of us?

Which religion's God has infinite hatred for sin, but infinite love for sinners?

Which religion's God has come seeking us even when we were not looking for Him?

Only one. Christianity.

I know that we live in an age where tolerance is the supreme virtue. All religions are now equally tolerated and honored. In the developed world, Christianity is looked at as just one religion among others. And, in a political sense, this is a good thing! We would not want to live under a dictatorship with a state religion. We would not want even Christianity to become a state religion. That would make us a dictatorship, the same as any Muslim country or as any remaining Communist country, like Cuba, China, and North Korea! Yet a case can be made for the uniqueness of Christianity among all other world religions. When measured alongside all other religions, Christianity stands out as one of a kind and in a class by itself!

What All Other World Religions Share in Common

I mean no offense to anyone who is a loyal follower of any world religion other than Christianity. I only present this to make a case for Christ and Christianity, and why you should examine His claims. My fellow Christians, we need to know why our faith is unique and we need to know what we believe. Now I know very little about most world religions. But I have a basic knowledge of them, enough to share what I believe all world religions share in common. First of all, all religions teach about placing faith in some kind of higher being. Or they teach placing faith in ourselves as "having divinity" or "finding our center in ourselves. The fact is, all religions teach some kind of faith to find meaning in this life beyond what it offers in a material sense. Even those religions that teach faith in ourselves teach this but that we are the objects of our own faith. All world religions teach one major thing. They teach that we are basically good and that we can work our way to salvation. They often differ as to what this salvation consists of and if there is even an afterlife. But, in some form or other, all religions teach "trying to live a virtuous life" and "good deeds as a way to salvation." Many world religions do teach about Jesus, but they always diverge in some way, from one of all the Biblical teachings. These religions consistently deny that Jesus is the the Son of God and the Member of the Holy Trinity. They teach that He was a man, a very good man, but still just a man. And all world religions claim that they can meet our deepest spiritual needs, even if they differ as to what these needs are.

What is the Problem?

On the face of it, it seems that this is a non-issue. But it is an issue to those of us who take Jesus seriously, including in John 14:6 where He made it stark-clear that He and He alone, is the only way to God the Father. Many people believe the teaching that "there are many paths to Heaven." This is totally contrary to Scripture, which bluntly tells us that only God, as He has revealed Himself in the Bible and by means of Christ, is the only way to salvation. From cover to cover, Scripture makes this clear. We cannot possibly misunderstand its meaning, unless we purposefully distort or deny its teaching. Yet if you take the time and trouble to check out His claims for Himself in the Gospels, you will see that Jesus more than has earned the right to make these claims. I believe that many people shun the claims of Christ and Christianity not because they are "not good enough" but because Jesus demands total commitment to Him, over everything else that we hold dear. The principles of Christianity are stricter than those of any other world religion, in one sense. The Christ of Christianity demands 100 percent commitment and it will cost us. But He also promises us all of His grace in this life, peace, and in the world to come, great heavenly reward. No other world religion makes such promises. So many world religions do make promises, the same ones Christianity makes. But do adherents see those promises become reality? One glaring example of a religion that fails its followers is Christian Science, which forbids followers to contact doctors and relies on home remedies. Because of that, many tragic, unneeded deaths have happened. We have heard of too many of such cases in the news. Another example are the Jehovah's Witnesses. Research tells us that they have the highest suicide rate of followers of any world religion. Can this have something to do with their being forbidden to celebrate even birthdays? Whatever their rules, all world religions teach their followers that following these rules will "save them." But can they?

What Shall We Conclude?

The Gospel of John is the ideal place to examine the claims of Christ. The Gospel of Matthew is also ideal. In the Gospels, you will find that Christ is the ultimate Way that God has revealed Himself to mankind. Only in Christianity has God come looking for us, in contrast to us looking for Him through good works. Only in Christianity has God personally involved Himself with us by becoming one of us through Christ. Only in Christianity has God displayed His power through grace and humility by means of Christ dying on a cross. Only in Christianity are we offered salvation as a free gift without having to work for it or to earn it in any way. Yes, we are asked to give all as Christians, but this comes AFTER we have received this free gift and in RESPONSE to receiving it. Only in Christianity are we offered a Person (Christ) as the way to holiness, rather than "trying to be holy" to get to God. It is ONLY in context of rejecting God's free grace in Christ, this this gift that cost Him His all, that we have the teaching of hell. Fellow Christians, whenever we get a chance and people show openness to wanting "something more" than what their religions or belief systems are offering them, we need to share our faith.

What do you think?

Christians, Let Nice Politics Prevail

It is one of two topics that has a way of bringing out the ugly, hateful, and mean in even the best of us. We let our emotions get all tied up in it, as we see others' differences as personal attacks. It is one of two topics on which we base our most fundamental and most deeply held values. It can strain or even end the closest of friendships. It divides us even if we are united about all other things. And yes, even in the Christian community, we allow our disagreements to turn into shouting matches or to decide to walk away from each other. Politics.

The Problem

We Christians in the West, and particularly in the US, are blessed to live in a democracy. The beauty of it lies in the fact that we can actively participate in it, petition our politicians for change, and we can even criticize our political leaders and disagree on politics. In so many countries, people are denied their human rights in these basic matters. We Christians have, in recent decades, grown very politically active. Yet in this political activity so many of us seem to have gotten involved in the wrong ingredients. Many Christians subscribe to staunch Conservative views, as the "religious right." Their support of the Republican party lies in prioritizing the sanctity of the life of the unborn, traditional marriage, and the work ethic. Nothing wrong with that! Another major faction in the Christian community subscribe to the Progressive view, as the "religious left." They base their support on the Biblical ethics of compassion for the poor, equal rights for the disenfranchised in society, strengthening workers through economic incentives, and promoting the celebration of our differences. Nothing wrong with that! There is, in my opinion, a valid place in the Body of Christ for both viewpoints. There is no place for sitting in judgment on each other, fighting with other, and shunning each other over our different views. Yet that is what I see going on in my Facebook network too often. And yes, it happens among us Christians.

My Experience

Because of my life experience, I had never identified fully with the "religious right" and I did not feel that I really fit in with them. "Christians don't let Christians vote Democrat," one bumper sticker at a Lutheran church we attended at the time, declared. In another church, a person was talking in a low voice, thinking we could not hear her, I guess. The topic was national health care. In a low voice, she stated, "I agree that people ought to have health insurance. I just do not think that it is the government's responsibility to provide it." I can go on and on. Those were two relatively mild examples. One day I requested a fellow church member to sign a petition to the Governor to reverse Medicaid cuts imposed on us by then Governor Matt Blunt. She refused to support me, saying, "I hate to take it out on the children, but people use EBT cards to buy alcohol. So I can't support this. Call it the sins of the fathers being visited on the children, but that's how I feel." So I was more attracted to the Progressive view, except for the view on marriage equality for gays and lesbians and the apparent silence on abortion. When I began to "friend" Christians and expand my social networks, I found that the overwhelming majority subscribed to Conservative views and disliked President Obama. A Facebook page, Christians Against Obama, sprung up and had much support among the Christian community. I found myself hiding many posts that vilified President Obama, and too many of those posts were by Christians. The one time I could not take any more Obama-bashing by a Christian Facebook friend, and I kindly but honestly called her out on it. She "unfriended" me. Given how even we Christians allow our biases, hate, and fear rule us when we discuss politics or religion, I regret simply doing what I usually do, ignore her over-the-top post. But, should I have to? Shouldn't we Christians engage each other on topics we care about, disagree but remain united in love?

The Solution

Where does this leave us? I know I have lost Facebook friendships because people did not like my politics. One of those deletions came from a Christian Facebook friend whom I had supported, encouraged, and prayed for. This lets me know that political differences often serve as deal-breakers even when relationships are otherwise good. Maybe, given how this topic puts people so emotionally on edge, and obviously put my Christian Facebook's emotions on edge, I should just have shut up and hidden her post in my feed. That is the sinful nature that resides even in us Christians. But even though some Christians seem to think we are exempted from honoring our President, the command still applies to us. Yet in too many Christian posts, I see that command being ignored or disobeyed. When the Bible tells, "We must obey God before man," He did not mean that we become anti-Government or spread hate about the President. Yes, I know that our politicians have failed us in many ways. They have lied to us. They put their petty party differences before our national good. Many of them fall prey to their passions and disgrace their high offices. I get disgusted, too. Yet we are told to pray for them. God obviously knew that politicians need a lot of prayer! Maybe if we all prayed more and attacked each other and our Government less, the world would be a better place. Right?

Let's be nice in our politics, brothers and sisters in Christ. As Jesus prayed for all of us the night before His crucifixion, "My prayer is that they be one." It's called unity in diversity.

Free But Costly Grace

Who is not familiar with sayings like "Nothing is free in this life," "If it is free then it is cheap," and "You get what you pay for"? All of us, Christians and non-Christians, are aware that we have to pay for many things. Yet we rightly treasure the precious and comforting teaching that God's grace is totally free to us and totally independent of any merit or worthiness on our part. That is what makes it amazing! Yet there is one important element of the teaching of God's free grace that many in the Christian community seem to widely misunderstand or miss altogether. Guess?

What Issue is At Stake?

I think we all, in and out of the Christian community, know that what is free usually is considered cheap or inferior. Also, for example, many free services expand their services if you "upgrade" and pay for "premium" or "pro" features. This is certainly true online, where you can use many services free of charge, but these features will be quite limited unless you "go pro" to get maximum benefit for their services. This unwritten law is part of our culture. We take for granted that if we pay for something, it will deliver more benefit for us. Brothers and sisters in Christ, we know that none of those earthly rules apply to our understanding of God's grace. His ways are not our ways, in this or in any of HIs dealings with us. Yes, we get it right when we believe and proclaim to others that God's grace is free and that His grace is the same as "unmerited favor," 100 percent independent of anything we can add to what He did for us in coming to this Earth, living a perfect human life, and dying a horrible death in our place (to rise again). Yet when we leave out what this free grace cost God in Christ and what it costs us in the Christ-following lives we are called to live, we miss important truth.

How Can A Free Gift Be Costly?

The principle of a free gift being costly may be foreign to this culture. It should not be a novel idea to us Christians if we really read and study God's Word. Yes, I'm fully aware that many of us Christians have had it drilled into us, from childhood on, to fear God but not to love Him. To operate on law rather than grace. When I was growing up in Missouri, I had zero concept of God's grace being free let alone being costly also. Many of us struggle to "get it" that God's grace is free. Yet Scripture asks us to grasp that grace is BOTH free and costly. Yes, I know that all of us are aware that grace is costly because it cost God in Christ everything. His heavenly riches. His comfort. His unveiling of His glory. His reputation. His very life. Even from most pastoral pulpits and according to most teachings that confuse free grace with cheap grace, this truth of God giving up ALL for us is proclaimed. What is being missed, then? What is not being taught from many pulpits and in by Christian leaders is the uncomfortable truth that if we accept God's grace, it is costly to us, too!

How is Free Grace Costly To us?

If we read and study our Bibles even casually, we should grasp that accepting God's grace is not free to us. Jesus made it clear when He declared that if anyone wants to identify with Him, we MUST deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and THEN follow Him. It is a lifetime process to grasp this seeming condradiction between free but costly, and to live accordingly. You better believe it is! Accepting Christ and His grace mean that we must deal with HIs demands that we do all things on HIS terms, not OURS. A cross is not a pretty emblem but, in Jesus' day, was an instrument of death. What are we to put to death? We are to put to death our sins, including those things in our thoughts, words and deeds that we may not initially identify as sinful. For each of us, this will be different. But always, the matter of living as the Scripture calls us to is not easy, but is downright tough! So how is free grace even free to us, after all? It is free to us because we can in no way do a things to add to what God has done for us in Christ. But it is not cheap for us to accept this free grace, because it means that we MUST do all things on God's terms and in His way. Come to think of it, isn't this the case with any so-called free services we may benefit from in this world? We must do things on the providers terms, "read the fine print," or else forfeit our rights!

Praise be to God for His free and costly grace!

Our Call As Christians To Support, Not Cure Autistic People

Over the past two decades, there have been major thrusts to cure what so many believe is a new disease. This supposed disease has been blamed on vaccinations. It still has no known cause. A whole movement, especially of parents of children who are believed to be afflicted with this dread disease, has sprung up. It is strong. It has gained limited attention of some in the media and of some in the government, at least in the US. Yet there are a growing number of us who question this supposed disease and what it actually is, and what those affected by it truly need.

Autistic People & the Church

When many of us Christians think of autism, we may think of nonverbal people, especially children, who have meltdowns. This is the picture of autism that many people first think of when they think of autism. But though this is an accurate picture of a good number of autistic adults and children, it's far from the complete picture. You can put a group of any 25 autistic people in a room. Each person's autism looks different from any other person's autism. As it's often said, "If you have met one person with autism, you have met one person with autism. I know that there are Christian congregations doing more to welcome and accept people with autism just as many are improving about welcoming people with other disabilities. The Christian community, for decades, have embraced people diagnosed with ADHD, which has traits that are like autism spectrum disorders (ASDs). Yet it is only recently that the Church has begun embracing autistic people. Why?

My Own Experience

Let me share something of my own experience with the Church. When I was in my 20s, I remember a singles group that operated through a local church. One evening, we were playing ping-pong. When I took a few minutes to take a bathroom break, I overheard the guy a had a crush on at the time, say to someone, "You are sure better at playing this than Lisa." I was crushed! The people in the group were nice to me, but I never felt socially accepted. In one other congregation, in particular, I felt excluded and unwelcome. I had sought to get involved in the life of that particular fellowship, more than I remember ever doing. A few times, people would discuss me as though I could not hear them. Once, a member said to my spouse, "Are you sure she can handle her daughter?" Again, the members were nice to me, but never did I feel that I was "one of them." Granted, maybe some of this was my undiagnosed autism coming through as being not interested in them, or preferring to keep to myself. Yet this local church, like so many others according to my research, was not equipped to relate to or welcome people with disabilities, in general. I would get frustrated at the sheer lack of Christian books about disabilities. I found one two addressed to parishes about how to welcome people with disabilities and only one addressed to persons with disabilities themselves. Church, we can do better!

Parenting On the Spectrum & Finally Diagnosed On the Spectrum

Autism is unique among disabilities because it's so complex and the diagnosis of the autism spectrum has existed in only the past two decades or so. Actually, autism is a broad spectrum, with people with all levels of function. They range from those with classic, full-scale autism, who cannot speak and who need basic care, all the way to highly-functional Asperger's individuals who are often very successful. Therefore, pastors, church staff and members have no doubt felt themselves to be too busy or to have other priorities, to educate themselves about this condition. First of all, autism is a neurological condition that affects how the autistic person sees and relates to the world, to others, and to himself. How did I get aware of these things? This dis not happen until my own daughter was diagnosed with an ASD; before that, all I knew of autism was severely autistic, nonverbal classmates I encountered in special class settings, and saw in "The Rain Man." Months later, I identified myself as "possibly autistic" as I pondered all my differences growing up and now. It has been only recently that I've finally been confirmed as having an ASD, and after years of trying to find a qualified, affordable professional to check me out for an ASD. So I see two sides of autism, parenting a child on the autism spectrum and being diagnosed, as an adult, on the autism spectrum.

What Can Local Churches Do?

There are things every pastor, church staffer, and member can do, to be part of the solution. Number one, educate yourselves; I will give resources below where that can be done. You can find many others in a Google search. You can also educate yourselves about other disabilities. We make time for the things that matter to us. Welcoming all people into the Church should matter to us as it does to God. If you yourself have a relative with a disability or have a disability yourself, you may have to take the lead to educate those in your local church. Also, you can sign my autism petition, which I run on Change.org and on SignOn.org. I will include both links below, and I hope you will take time to sign it, showing support by calling on the US government to fund autism services for all, regardless of the ability to pay.

What are you doing to make all people feel welcome in your local congregation?

Please Sign My Autism Petition at Change.org.

Please Sign My Autism Petition at SignOn.org.

Autism Society--United States

National Autism Society--United Kingdom